I'm drive I can fine osifer
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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