Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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