Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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