i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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