Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
