I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
