I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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