What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
