is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
