The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Pants are for mortals
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
