Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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