You work out of a Hotel?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
