also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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