i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
