Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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