Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ketchup is God's man juice
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
