so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
