Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
