it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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