Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
