He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
