do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
