Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
