You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
