saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
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