yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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