i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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