Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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