she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
