I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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