AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
