I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
