i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
