Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
