I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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