If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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