So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
