got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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