and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize