So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
