she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
