sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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