They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize