I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
worst night to have a conscience
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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