butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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