I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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