Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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