i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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