Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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