life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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