I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When are your genitals available?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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