1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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