something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
