Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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