I hate your face
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
