sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
