Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
