If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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