Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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