ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
