I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize