he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
