so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
