these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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