Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
