"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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