Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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