Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
