Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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