And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
