How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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