Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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