Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
