Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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