I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
