In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
