Girls should come with a carfax report
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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