Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
