dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
