So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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