At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
