Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
